Vet Hospital Treats Tribble!
Animal Medical of New City treats Earth’s first ‘Tribble’, a genetically modified organism developed by Dr. Albert Elaboro Fibb at the Weiss Research Center of Cornell University.
Rat-Hamster Cross Will Fight Rodent Infestations
The Tribble, name Uhura, after the Star Trek character who fell in love with the creature on the series’ titular episode, is a genetic cross between a hamster and a rat and was created by Dr. Fibb as an environmentally friendly way to reduce the rat population in urban areas without poisons.
Said Dr. Fibb, “As human populations grow, rat infestations become an ever-increasing problem. For years we’ve been combatting the issue with warfarin-class poisons but these leach into the environment in various ways and are taking a severe toll on non-targeted species like dogs, cats, owls, hawks and snakes. My team and I created the world’s first rat-hamster cross because the hybrid emits a high frequency, ultrasonic noise that non-motified rats find naturally repellent.”
Dr. Fibb and his colleagues decided to call the organism a Tribble because of the above-mentioned squeal that comes natural to the animal. The fictional creatures in the Star Trek show also emitted a high-pitched noise that Klingons found impossible to tolerate, but this hybrid cross also looks especially Tribble-like. “Rats and hamsters both possess a resessive gene for thick hair and stout mid sections”, said Fibb. “The hybridization allowed these genes to be expressed. It’s nearly the same genetic pairing that you see in long-haired versions of Syrian hamsters and it’s why our cross looks like the fictional Tribble.”
Examined, Spayed, and Microchipped at Animal Medical of New City
Uhura, the rat-hamster mix, presented at animal medical for an examination, a microchip implant, radiographs (x-rays), an ultrasound, and spay procedure, the latter of which was mandated by the US Fish and Wildlife and the USDA as conditional to allowing Dr. Fibb and his team to create the cross.
Animal Medical of New City Provided Laparoscopic Spay
“It’s extremely important that we don’t end up with two problems instead of one”, remarked Yertu Gulluble of Fish and Wildlife. These creatures will be released in trial cities like Ithaca, perhaps even in New City itself, before going onto to do their job in Manhattan and the surrounding boroughs. We can’t have them reproducing on their own. It came to our attention that Animal Medical of New City performs laparoscopic spays and our team thought that was ideal for neutering this creature.
Opponents to the Tribble project, none-of-whom are Klingon, are furious. Tony Modalino of the Coalition of Ethical Genetics issued a terse statement through the AP, “They call it a Tribble as a way to endear us to a creature that could have a disastrous impact on our state. Animal Medical should have refused to treat the creature.”
Animal Medical of New City Cites Mission of Service, Care and Joy
In the defense of Animal Medical of New City’s actions, Dr. Howard Gittelman, Medical Director, said, “If there is an animal in need, we do what we can. We are not here to debate policy. This little lady needed our help and we provided it. Besides IT’S APRIL FOOLS AND YOU ALL HAVE BEEN HAD!!!!
Hope you enjoyed this April 1st silliness on our part. Though we’d be happy to treat a Tribble, if and when one is beamed down to us, we are content to be here for your pocket pet, dog and/or cat needs when and if the opportunity arises. Our mission is built on service and care…oh and a joy for what we do. Happy April Fool’s Day everyone!
On September 3rd, 2019, the NY Times published an Op-Ed piece by Alexandra Horowitz, a cognitive scientist who studies dogs. In the article, Horowitz argues that we have created a culture where we are desexing dogs and cats to conform to our way of living without paying enough attention to the health implications of our actions. The article is causing quite a stir amongst pet owners and veterinary professionals alike.